"I was, in fact, homesick for wildness, and when I found it I knew how intimately - how resonantly - I belonged there. We are charged with this - all of us. For the human spirit has a primal allegiance to wildness, to really live, to snatch the fruit and suck it, to spill the juice." - Jay Griffiths, Wild: an Elemental Journey

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Blessings and Gratitude. Wow.

Earlier today, I posted a cry for help.  Being homeless, underemployed, and without community in my new home was taking its toll on me.  I know that I am provided for and that all is well, but sometimes I forget.

I posted my vulnerability on my blog because it serves no one to pretend that I am happy all the time or that I always have it together.  I can't do this alone.  None of us can.  I hoped that I might receive some messages of support that would help me remember the truths I mentioned above.  I did.  Thank you.

In addition, I received a gift that I never would have expected, and certainly was in no way asking for.  A friend and faithful blog reader, who wishes to remain anonymous, sent this message to me:

You should receive a text shortly. But I couldn't put enough in the message that comes with it.
I would like to make a gift to you, as my first act of kindness for the 26 Acts of Kindness honoring the Sandy Hook victims. I promised myself that these acts would be of substance, something bigger than I would normally do just because I always want to be kind and help others. I hesitated to make a commitment to do 26 acts, because I worried that I would just do what I would do anyway and label it as "in honor of..." So this is me pushing the boundaries to truly honor the lives lost.
I hope that you will accept it, because it is not about you. And it is not because I believe you will not find your own way. It is about my need to help heal the hurt of this tragedy by spreading kindness, by offering help when help is needed, and by doing things I know will reverberate with love and living.
I'd like to honor Charlotte Bacon, 6, with $100 for each year of her too short life.
I chose you/her because her new outfit of a pink dress and white boots reminded me of you. And because her uncle described her saying: "I watched her go and run off the pontoon and into the water with total confidence. She lived life with gusto. This little girl knew how to live life."
I want to honor her with something that I believe will help others learn how to live life. And I am choosing to invest in you because I think you (and your writing) are teaching and will teach others how to live life with gusto.
And I am choosing you because in the wake of this tragedy, in a world where too many cries for help go unanswered, I want to honor your request for help.
You are loved and taken care of. Live life with gusto.

And then I received a text message telling me that $600 had been deposited in my paypal account.

I ran out of the cafe where I was sitting at the moment and called this friend, weeping with gratitude, overwhelmed by their kindness.  I print this letter here with their permission.

And then I rode my bike to the beach and prayed.  I thanked god that I have always been, am now in this moment, and will continue to be provided for.  I acknowledged that I am not, nor do I want to be in control.  I offered the money up to the heavens, asking that I be given the wisdom to use it in a way that would honor Charolotte and her family, honor the giver, and allow me to use to my gift of writing as my friend described.

I have had no idea how to begin processing what happened in Connecticut.  I burst into tears every time I hear anything about it.  It is beyond my scope of understanding, as is so much of life.  But this gift has given me a place to start.  For the sake of Charlotte Bacon, I will remember to life my life with gusto.  I am posting this whole story here so you might be inspired to do the same.

Charlotte Bacon
(photo: greenwichcitizen.com)

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  1. Wow! Thank you for reminding us we aren't in this alone. Love to you and your community of readers.

  2. Thanks for sharing! Lots of prayers and good vibes being sent your way ^_^

    1. Always a pleasure to share, Megan. Thanks for the prayers and good vibes. I'm feeling them. :)

  3. Hi Melanie, great to connect and so glad serenipitous timing had me arrive here to catch this particular post. Living life with gusto requires vulnerability, and to experience the comfort of knowing we are taken care of has only come to me by living through periods when I wasnt so sure that was the case. I am only relatively recently awakening to the joy of not feeling I need to be running the show and it has been Travel that has opened me up to the magic of trusting and going with the flow. You go girl!

  4. Hi Meg! A warm welcome to my blog - I'm so glad you found me.

    I couldn't have said it better. Gusto - yes. Vulnerability - yes. Uncertainty - yes. I know there are many paths by which folks can arrive at this blissful surrender, but travel has been it for me as well. Sometimes I think it's because I'm extra stubborn and I need to be taken completely out of all of my comfort zones and out into the middle of a metaphorical desert before I'll let go of control.

  5. Replies
    1. Yes it is. I was and am still overwhelmed with gratitude. Glad you found my blog!