Daily Bread

The topic of security keeps arising in my life.

Today at Inner Light, Reverend Deborah Johnson brought up the phrase, "Give us this day our daily bread."  What is daily bread?  I am doubtful it means a baguette on your table each day.  (Although - baguettes, yum. . .)  She suggested daily bread means what we need to be sustained each day.

(Photo: cookaround.com)

She told the story in Exodus when god dropped manna from the sky to feed the Israelites as they journeyed through the wilderness.  There was only enough for one day at a time.  If they tried to collect extra for the next day, it spoiled.

At times on my own journey through the "wilderness" this year (aka the U.S.), I have felt like the Israelites.  I'm mostly happy about my decision, and I usually trust that everything will work out, but sometimes I doubt.  The "manna" has continued to appear for me each day.  It may come in the form of safe accommodation, nourishing food, enriching company, or spiritual community.  So why do I still worry that it will stop?

Probably because it annoyingly comes in little, tiny bits at a time.

I mean, it'd be nice if sometimes god sent like a month's worth of manna so I could store it in the freezer and say, "Phew!  Glad this month is taken care of!"  But just like the Israelites, each time I try to "collect more manna" - to plan too far into the future - my plans spoil.  I hear the small voice inside me saying, Be here on THIS day.  Eat the food you have for THIS meal.  Sleep in the bed you have on THIS night.  And trust that more will come tomorrow.

Argh!  What an AFGO.  (Another F-ing Growth Opportunity.)

Yet, have I ever gone without?  No.  The only time I truly suffered was when I worried about going without.

Ohmygod Ohmygod what if I run out of money?  What if I have no place to stay?  What if someone finds me in my car in the middle of the night and rapes me?  What if my car breaks down?  What if I get lonely and can't find friends?  What if I can never afford the tattoo I've been wanting?

And then, nearly in the next breath - Oh.  Well that turned out just fine.  (Except for the tattoo thing - I still can't afford that.  Damn.)

So, security.  What is it, then?  Where does it come from?

(Photo: money.msn.com)

Right about now I'm tempted to think it comes from a fat, steady paycheck and health insurance - things I haven't had in awhile.  Sometimes when I don't understand things about humans, I look to the animal world and ask how the rest of the creatures do it.

What other living things have assurance that all is always well, secure, and promised?  What armadillo in the world depends on a paycheck?  Show me a swan who has health insurance, a gecko with a retirement account, or a giraffe with social security.  

These things only give us security until they don't.  At best, they give us a distracting illusion.  At worse, not only do they fail to give us true security, they may actually prevent us from finding it.

Two quotes come to mind:


"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"  - Matthew 6:26-27, the Bible

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future.” - Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

Allowing myself to live like "the birds of the air," means that sometimes being provided for will look like abundance, and sometimes it will look like barely basic survival.  And eventually, it will look like death.  Because that's how all of nature works, and I am not exempt.

But I would rather live in the wide open truth of daily, divine providence than behind the long-term illusion of institutional security.  So, give me this day my daily bread, and I will eat of it gratefully.

(Photo: cartinafinland.fi)

UPDATED: Upon re-reading this the day after I posted, I hear a judgmental tone, which was not my intention.  To be clear, I do not stand in judgement of anyone who currently receives a paycheck or has health insurance or a retirement account!  The life I am leading is not superior to yours.  Now that I don't have those things, I see how I was lulled into complacency before when I did, and I appreciate how I am forced to rely solely on divine providence now.  K, that's it.  Thanks.

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